This week we received a phone call from our youngest son telling us that he is leaving his wife and getting a divorce. He asks if he can move home for a while to regroup,and we said of course.
This was not a total surprise because in their almost 3 years of marriage his wife had done some things that were lets just say very difficult to deal with and leave it at that.
No matter what the situation is ending a marriage is at best difficult. For the two people involved, their families and their friends. Now my first reaction is to want to give her a piece of my mind, she has hurt my baby, my youngest and I want revenge and I want it swift and complete! But my more mature side (and I am talking about my wife now) tells me that I need to calm down and not get involved that it will in time resolve itself. I defer to her recommendations, though I still want to have my say!!!
My son however is the one going through this. We love them, raise them, keep them safe and away from life's hurts and harm. And then they grow up, and we can no longer keep them safe, keep them from getting hurt...... and that hurts us because as parents it is always our job to keep our children safe.
When my son called and we talked for over an hour on the phone, he sounded resolved, a bit defeated, and very solemn. This was not like our fun loving son. But he is hurting and this too will pass. As I start my ranting about how could she do this to you blah blah blah, my son stops me and says " Dad I don't hate her, I am even over being mad at her, I just can no longer live this way. I want to be happy and I want her to be happy and Dad the two of us together do not make each other happy." That took the wind out of my sails, my anger subsided, and I thought WOW, what a mature and wise way to look at this. They are no longer going to be a couple, they are going to go their separate ways, and we are ever thankful that they did not have children.
So my son one of the loves of my life is going to be single again, living at home with his mother and I for a while. That is not such a bad thing. I grieve for the loss of a marriage because I believe in marriage and it is always sad when a marriage ends, because in order for it to get to that point there have been two people who have been suffering and living a life that neither of them thought they would on that wonderful day when they said "I do." We as a family will heal, we will move on, we will always love each other. And I truly in time hope that I can be as thoughtful,and mature as my son and not want to hate this person who has hurt my child. I will pray to that end.
But for now I will have to just say that I will tolerate her if I see her, that I truly do not wish her ill will. I wish for her is that she finds happiness, both with herself and in the future choices she makes. I also wish the same for my son, because, even though I do love him I know that he is not perfect and that he made mistakes too.
So I sign off today with a heavy heart, full of love for a son who is hurting, full of tolerance for a soon to be no longer daughter in law. I will get through this I will learn from this because I feel that everything that happens to a family happens for a reason and we must learn from it, all of us or we are destined to repeat some of the things over and over, and I for one do not want to see my children hurting. So friends love those in your family, love those who married into your family, love those who may be leaving your family, for this is a lesson I am going to have to work on as I travel through this journey called life.
Blessings to you and yours
Curtis & Sherrie